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Someday
That Might Be Me
David A. Levine
First published in Educational Leadership, October 1997
As a facilitator of workshops and assemblies on social skills throughout
the United States, I have had many revealing dialogues with elementary
and middle school students, such as the following:
Facilitator:
How many of you have ever been in class, thought you knew the answer
to a question, but didnt raise your hand? (All hands go up).
Facilitator:
What stopped you from raising your hand? Student: I wasn't sure
I was right. Faces smile, heads nod, bodies lean forward, and the
students keep their hands raised-realizing that these will not be
right or wrong questions, but a conversation about what happens
in their lives, in school, every day.
Facilitator:
So what happens if youre not right? Student: Everyone laughs.
Facilitator:
And if people laugh, how do you feel? Student: Embarrassed.
Facilitator: How many of you have ever felt embarrassed? (All hands
go up). Five minutes into an elementary school workshop on understanding
differences, this group of skeptical students has become a collection
of curiosity seekers. Our discussions focus on the issues of belonging,
fitting in, making friends, offering support, and practicing empathy.
Teachers
often express many concerns about students; Students aren't nice
to each other; They put each other down; They can be mean and cruel.
The message Be nice to others is not a new concept for students,
but we need to find new ways to deliver it. In our sessions, students
explore real-life issues, such as deciding whether to raise ones
hand in class, where to sit in the cafeteria and with whom, what
to wear to school, how to make friends, and how to deal with parents
opinions. These issues make for rich learning experiences because
they get to the heart of the everyday struggles that all students
encounter as they seek to find a place in their classroom, hallways,
and neighborhoods.
Howard
Gray and the Memory of an Emotion
I often bring a guitar to workshops and sing songs with the
students. They think this is cool. One day I sang a song I had just
learned called Howard Gray to a group of 6th graders. The next thing
I knew, they were excitedly sharing their thoughts, ideas, and feelings
about the issues of being different, being made fun of, and how
it feels to be a target of other peoples hurtful words. It was a
time when they could safely examine the realities of their day-to-day
existence. Since that day, I have often tapped into the power of
this song for young people. The song recounts the true story of
a 7th grade boy who is ridiculed by is peers because he is poor
and wears ragged clothes. The narrator, Lee, liked Howard but found
himself joining other kids who were tormenting the boy. Lee cannot
forget the eyes of Howard Gray looking back at him.
The
song connects people to the memory of an emotion and, in so doing,
validates peoples feelings, experiences, and yearnings. The simplicity
of the story, combined with the power of music; provides for a memorable
learning experience.
Seeing
Things Differently
The
story of the relationship between Howard and Lee presents an important
question: What is the right thing to do? Students discuss Lees motivation
and actions in the song:
Facilitator:
Why was Lee (the boy telling the story) afraid to be Howards friend
even if he liked him? Student: Because he was afraid that if he
was Howards friend, no one would like him.
Student: Sometimes you do things you dont want to do because everyone
else is doing it. You just go along.
Intolerance
in school often takes the form of bullying or putting another person
down through physical threats or verbal taunting, as the song relates.
Howard Gray helps create unity and understanding around the issues
of separation, isolation, and fear. Here are some 7th graders responses
to the song: I will always remember that song because someday that
might be me. That Howard Gray song made me want to cry. Your visit
makes me think twice about making fun of someone.
The
Importance of Dialogue
Howard Gray gives the world of injustice and cruelty a name.
A song like this doesn't preach to students to be nice to others.
Instead, students explore important questions : why do people make
fun of others? How does it feel? What do people need? Students often
respond with great outrage at how something like this could happen.
Facilitator:
Does this sort of thing happen in this school? (There are usually
a variety of affirmative responses, ranging from heads nodding to
shouts of Yes! and hands raised to ask if this is a true story.)
Facilitator:
Lets brainstorm: Why are people made fun of or put down?
Each
time I have asked this question, students first three responses
have included the words different or differences. Here are other
responses: Not as smart, too smart, nerds, wear glasses, clothes,
hair, fat, where they live, ugly, smell, dont do well in school,
disabled, special class, religion, skin color, their name, from
another country, not as much money, the new kid.
In
these brainstorming sessions, I write down all answers except those
that might purposely hurt another student. In discussing the lists,
I try to keep students on the topic of what it feels like to be
the target of teasing and bullying. Sometimes students try to avoid
these painful issues by getting into outrageous or inappropriate
discussions of, for example ugliness, smells, and other diversions.
My approach is to take student ideas and ask the group about them.
I'll refer to the word too (as in too smart too fat, or too different)
and ask what it really means. This leads us to discussions of how
we judge others and how everyone has the right to an opinion. Through
dialogue, students eventually decide that anyone who is different
is potentially a target. Students who have felt like the target
at some time in their lives will be right with me here and often
will offer the most poignant insights.
Facilitator:
Who has been made fun of because of your hair color? (Students with
red and blond hair raise their hands.)
Facilitator: Who has been made fun of for either your first or last
name? (Most hands go up)
.
Facilitator: Who has ever been made fun of because you're not so
good in sports? Students look around the room, and some students
lips tighten as they raise their hands. One student tells how other
kids put him down and wont let him play football.
Facilitator: How does that feel? Student: I'm sort of used to it
by now, but sometimes I wish they wouldn't do it.
Facilitator: Would you like people to act differently? Student:
Well, they could let me play and help me if Im having trouble.
Getting
Feelings Out
The next step is to ask how such intolerance made the students
feel. As one might predict, here are some student responses about
their feelings: bad, mad, sad, angry, like I want to hit someone,
like dirt. Here are two surprising reactions: Like I never should
have been born and I liked it. It becomes clear that everyone has
felt most of the identified feelings at one time or another. Students
also begin to understand that they are not the only ones who have
felt put down, afraid, and alone. They often express surprise at
the end of the lesson at how open people were. I believe it is the
first time some students ever had an opportunity to express how
they fully felt in front of their peers. This leads to a key concept
of the Howard Gray session: empathy.
Encouraging
Empathy
If I could talk to Howard, I would say I'm sorry. Sorry that you
had to be treated so unfairly. Sorry people could be so mean. Sorry
that thats the way life can be sometimes and sorry that it happened
(7th grader).
The Howard Gray sessions have been the most significant aspect of
my teaching and facilitating career. What started out as a song
that I wanted to share with students has evolved into an ongoing
opportunity to positively shape student behavior. Helping students
move away from intolerance and toward positive choices is one of
the most critical educational issues of our time. If student intolerance
is allowed to fester, the end result will be one of tension and
fear and an increase in student aggression and violence.
In my work with students, I have found other powerful songs. Courage
by Bob Blue tells the story of Diane, who is ostracized because
she is strange like she doesnt belong. The song focuses on the question:
Am I wrong not to stand up for someone who is being victimized?
At one point, Courage refers to the atrocities that have occurred
throughout history: The whole world stood idly by to watch as the
innocent burned. In the end, the singer promises: To do all that
I can to not let it happen again, to care for all women and men,
Ill start by inviting Diane. Another song, which I wrote, Let me
In, expresses the plea from a classmate: Please let me in. Dont
push me away. I need you to listen to my words today. I often end
sessions with another of my songs, Lift Me Up Dont Put Me Down,
which encourages students to consider: Every day as you make your
choices, can you hear all the voices? Of the people in this town,
crying out a familiar sound Lift me up, dont put me down. Students
often provide reflections on these songs, as another 7th grader
relates:
I understand what you talked about Because I get picked on because
of my habits. Mainly about how much I read. I read a whole lot.
I hope that the program teaches the people who tease a lesson. I
hope they write a song about me. I will always remember those songs.
The success of these lessons is not contingent on the singing of
a song. The music is the vehicle that gives students a voice to
express what they truly feel. It helps put everyone in the same
place, thereby creating a safe setting for students to be themselves.
I find motivation is high for involvement and learning about the
issues of belonging, understanding others, being understood, and
offering support, if the students can see the relevance in their
own lives. Through class dialogue, nonjudgmental learning sessions,
and reflections, students find creative ways of processing their
newfound discoveries. Such experiences make a difference in students
lives and in the lives of those they touch.
 For
information on companion workshops and training sessions which support
the implementation of Blue Heron Press materials, go to www.incareofstudents.org
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